|First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them). Lou Ringer
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you …but it’s still on my list
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of
Emergency, notify…” I answered, “a doctor.”
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Sadly this is true!!! Spread the Laughter, Share the Cheer, Let’s be Happy, While we’re Here!
“He was at his best when the going was good.” —Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor
“There but for the grace of God—goes God.” —Winston Churchill
“If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.” —Homer Simpson
“If I am reading this graph correctly—I’d be very surprised.” —Stephen Colbert
“On his feet, he wore…blisters.” —Aristotle
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” —Groucho Marx
,,,and then there was Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.”
“I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.”
“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”
“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”
“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”