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With this column appearing on Valentine’s Day, it seems
appropriate to gift you with a selection of t-shirt slogans
ranging from funny to outrageous.
Today’s first category is definitions. Having raised a
boy, I loved this one: BOY, noun 1. Noise with dirt on it. I
couldn’t say it better myself.
And for you avid readers like me, who panic when our
local library closes for the holidays, here’s the definition
of that problem. It’s Abibliophobia, noun 1. The Fear Of
Running Out Of Books To Read.
Then there’s an all too accurate definition of a nurse:
NURSE, noun 1. The first person you see after saying
“Watch THIS!” Amen to that.
There are a lot of t-shirt slogans that offer insight
into the person wearing them. Some of us might like
to wear the shirt that admits: Cleverly Disguised As A
Responsible Adult. (How many colors can I get that one
And for others of us, this next one is painfully true: I Am
NOT A Control Freak But . . . Can I Show You The RIGHT
Way To Do That? There’s also a related thought on this
next shirt: I Like Teamwork As Long As I Am In Charge!
That says it all, I think.
And now for my favorite t-shirt slogan category – the
outrageous comment. Consider this all too perceptive
thought: Family Drama – The Gift That Keeps on Giving.
Another one that has been around a good while but
still seems highly relevant is credited to David Mamet.
It says: Old Age And Treachery Will Always Beat Youth
And Exuberance. Funny thing, though, that concept has
gotten funnier as I’ve gotten older.
This next one, of course, is a favorite of mine because
it’s about squirrels. I think this is extremely accurate. The
shirt reads: My Decision-Making Skills Resemble Those
Of A Squirrel Trying To Cross The Street.
I love unexpected endings, like this shirt has. It reads:
The Dinner I Was Cooking For My Family Was Going To
Be A Surprise But The Fire Trucks Ruined It! Did you see
that coming? I sure didn’t.
There’s undoubtedly a good deal of accuracy in the
following observation: Line Dancing Was Started By
Women Waiting To Use The Bathroom. That’s a great
example of truth cloaked in humor.
This next outrageous shirt really appealed to my somewhat
warped sense of humor: Brace Yourselves. The
Full Moon Is Coming. You probably need to be a lifelong
fan of horror movies to properly appreciate that one.
I know I loved it. Another t-shirt that I would enjoy wearing
reads: That’s Tasteless, Inappropriate, And Hilarious!
(Admit it, it made you smile too, didn’t it?)
It kind of goes with this last one: I Wonder What Normal
People Think About? To which I say, normality is highly
overrated as well as in short supply!
Happy Valentine’s Day to all my readers!

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