This ’n’ That by Nicky De Lange
It’s right before Thanksgiving and by now it’s most likely you will be up to your elbows in turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie and whatever else you consider essential to a proper Thanksgiving Day meal.
What I’m trying to say is that, between turkey dinner, football and Black Friday sales, you might not have time to read every word of priceless prose in this column.
But don’t fret. Luckily for you faithful readers, today’s effort will be the ever-funny T-shirt topic. And, even more luckily, I’ve just received a catalog I haven’t seen in ages – one that has some new and different funny shirts.
So take a few minutes while the pies are baking or the cornbread for your dressing is cooling down and consider who on your holiday gift list deserves one of these light-hearted tees. Put your own name on the list, too. Don’t you deserve some fun thing after creating a wonderful feast?
For example, if you’re eating your turkey at someone else’s home,
I highly recommend the shirt that announces: “WARNING! I do not know how to load the dishwasher properly.” That should get you out of KP duty fast.
For those who plan to imbibe during the holiday, here’s a handy guide you can wear and also use as
a reminder: “How to enjoy wine! 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.”
I really like that one. Another fave wine drinker’s T-shirt shows a wine glass with measuring lines that read “100 calories, 150 calories, 200 calories” and, finally, “Who cares?” Who indeed? It’s a holiday, right?
For dealing with relatives or guests who manage to get on your nerves at this time every year, try the following shirt: “I am NOT a control freak but … can
I show you the RIGHT way to do that?” That should either clue them in or scare them off.
On a more philosophical level, I really loved the shirt that asks: “IF I were wrong, don’t you THINK I’d know?”
This next one appealed to my admittedly warped sense of humor. Read it and reflect: “Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.” That brought back vivid memories of watching the movie Jurassic Park.
And now, my favorite, which I have saved for last because I really relate to its message. It says: “Chocolate comes from cocoa, which grows on a tree. A tree is a plant. Therefore chocolate counts as a vegetable.” Amen to that!
I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving.
May you be blessed with a scrumptious turkey, your favorite dressing, lots of desserts and the chance
to celebrate with people you truly love!