This ’n’ That by Nicky De Lange
It’s that time of year. You know the one I mean – catalog season! From now until the end of the year, our mailboxes will be crammed full as every kind of catalog imaginable floods them.
While some of them are actually interesting and helpful, there are a lot that are filled with some incredibly stupid gift ideas.
Yes, I said stupid, and I meant it. Today’s column is aimed at proving that to you. And this is actually from one of the better catalogs I receive. Wait until the really goofy ones start arriving!
I won’t mention the company who sent out today’s booklet of idiocy.
I’ll just let the items speak for themselves. Let’s start with the worst one first.
It’s called “the bowl light”. The ad claims this device will turn any toilet into a convenient night light. I already love this – and the picture accompanying it really says it all.
The catalog asks whether “you’re tired of fumbling around in the dark when making nighttime bathroom visits”. The amazing invention features a motion-activated LED light that automatically turns on as you approach, guiding your steps with a “soft glow.”
You just hook this gadget to any toilet rim. It uses three AAA batteries, not included, of course, and – best of all –
it can also rotate through seven different colors at the touch
of a button.
What could be cooler than a bathroom light that acts like a disco ball when you walk into the room? Seriously, can you imagine how unnerving it will be if you forget you put one into your bathroom? Now, there’s a wake-up call you won’t ever forget.
Trying to describe this device is difficult, I have to admit. Laughing hard while typing on a keyboard is no easy task. Why would anyone spend $13 for this thing? What’s wrong with a cheap plug-in light from the dollar store?
The only way to improve “the bowl light” would be to have it also play music automatically, preferably synchronized to the various lights coming on and off. Now there’s an idea …
Moving along to more creative insanity, here’s the thing for anyone who really loved the film National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Remember how Clark Griswald – played by Chevy Chase – went totally overboard with all the holiday lights he put on the family home? Well, now you too can thrill your neighbors when you buy the “star shower motion laser light” system.
This will illuminate your house with thousands of colorful, dancing stars. How can that be possible, you ask?
Well, this gadget is a weather-resistant projector with two laser modes – red and green or all green. But wait – there’s more! It also includes an auto light sensor that turns on at night and off in the daylight. The beams cover more than 3,000 square feet. And it’s only $50.
Imagine how thrilled your neighbors will be every night when you light up the skies! Let’s see Clark Griswald top that!
Just don’t try it if you belong to a neighborhood home-
My column inches are running out, so I’ll just run one more idea by you. You might like it, if you’re a football fan – I’m not.
How would you like your very own NFL reversible sofa cover emblazoned with the name and colors of your favorite team?
It has the team logo and colors on one side and, lucky you, this tacky thing is stain-resistant. The cover pictured in the catalog features the Green Bay Packers logo and comes in a somewhat hideous gold-and-green color combo for only $40.
You have a choice of one of 12 professional football teams to adorn your ever-
My advice? Just find another sport with better-looking sofa covers.