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Am I Ready Or Am I Not?


Trishna’s Tidbits – Modern Musings by Trishna Buch

Before I get into the column, a little disclaimer. This column will not be light-hearted and funny like the other few have been, because my column is an insight into my life, and life isn’t all sunshine, daises, lollipops and rainbows. Life is difficult. Life is filled with stress and pain and sometimes, the only way to get through it, is by talking about it with someone. In my case, “talking” is writing and “someone” is all of you.

I am filled with stress about several different facets of life. I can pretend that I am not and I can pretend that everything is perfectly fine, but then I would be lying to myself. If you have been reading my column since it started, you know that—as well as working at The Post—I am also earning my Master’s in Early Childhood Education. Maintaining sanity during the months I have to work and study, has been difficult to say the least. I do have to say, however, that I am one of the lucky few people who works at a place where everyone is so understanding of my schedule. That is one saving grace—I do not have to choose between work and school. I am able to attend my classes and get all my schoolwork done. However, this does not mean that everything comes easily. In fact, there have been times where I have wondered if I needed to give one of the two up, because I wasn’t sure if I could handle both at the same time. But I am not a quitter and, therefore, I refuse to give either up. I have worked too hard to do this. But I know, as I advance in my educational career, this stress will only increase and I will have to figure out a way to handle it. Because I do not think I am doing a very good job right now.

But dealing with school, and managing my time, isn’t even the biggest cause of my stress and anxiety. In fact, if I break the problem apart, it really isn’t even a major stress-inducing factor at all. Plenty of people go to school and work at the same time. There are people who do a lot more than that, and for me to complain about what I have to do—frankly, is a little childish. But I cannot help the way I feel and keeping my thoughts bottled up isn’t healthy. The aspect of life that is currently causing me the most stress is going to be so unexpected to you, that you will pause after reading this and say “what?”. At least, that is my assumption.

That aspect I am talking about is—wait for it—marriage. I am just going to come right out and say it. I am a 24-year-old woman who has never been in a relationship. Do I have friends who are male? Yes. Have I been attracted to classmates before? Since I was eight. But that is as far as it has gone. And now I feel as if I am running out of time. But, at the same time, I’m not ready to get married right now. It doesn’t help that I am part of a culture that sees marriage as the be all and end all of life. At least, that’s how it has seemed to be for the past four years, in terms of the comments I have been getting. I’m grateful to have parents that aren’t putting any pressure on me to find someone, but I do have older relatives—extended family—who seem to have made it their mission to get me married off since I was 20-years-old. I have relatives who will call my mom at least once a month with “there’s this boy who you should look into for Trishna”. Then, whenever we tell them that I am not ready to get married, I get a variety of responses ranging from “but she’s 24, it’s time” to “why not?”.

The logical side of me knows that I am not ready to get married. I spent 18 years of school and four years of college to get me to the point I am today. I have an amazing job, which I am doing quite well in. I am furthering my education by earning my Master’s degree because I know that nothing is certain and it’s safe to have back-up options. Furthermore—although I want to get married eventually—I currently enjoy the feeling of being single. Would I have liked to be in a relationship earlier in my life? Sure. Do I feel a twang of jealously or sadness when I see how happy people are in relationships, knowing I do not have that? Yes. But I also realize that I enjoy the freedom of being single.  I enjoy the fact that—apart from work, school or common household chores—I do not have any responsibilities. This leaves me time to do the things I want—things like: watching my favorite movies and TV shows, listening to music, sleeping in on weekends, staying up until 3 in the morning watching YouTube videos and much more. I’m not saying I won’t be able to do that after marriage, but it may be more difficult.

However, the more emotional side of me has moments where I wonder if something is wrong with me. Several of my former elementary, middle and high-school classmates have all gotten married or are engaged to be married. Some of them even have children. And when I see their lives, and compare them to mine, I wonder if I have done something wrong. I can’t go back to the past however, so I just have to run with the cards that are given to me.

The bottom line is that I do want to get married one day. But that “one day” is not today. It won’t be for at least two years. I want to get married on my own terms. I don’t want to be pressured into it by anyone, because getting married is not like buying a pair of shoes. Today I can buy some shoes and next week I decide I don’t like them so I take them back to the store. Marriage doesn’t work that way. It’s a commitment, and I have to be 100 percent certain that I am ready for that commitment. Furthermore, when I get married, I have to ensure that I am choosing to spend my life with someone who respects me. I need to be sure that I can continue to live the life I do now—with a few tweaks. I want to find a partner who complements me and doesn’t expect me to change anything about myself. Will it be difficult? Probably. Will it be impossible? Of course not.

And that’s my two cents for the day.  ?

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