Dear Frankie,
At Mahjong last week, Violette asked the group how they had celebrated Valentine’s Day.
Martha said her husband sent her a dozen red roses, which was unusual for him. She said she hasn’t stopped thinking about it and wondering if she should be concerned. Cindy said she hates Valentine’s Day because it reminds her of all the jerks she dated. Miranda is newly married and said it was the best Valentine’s Day she had ever spent. She surprised her husband with a candlelight dinner and champagne, and he surprised her with a certificate for a couple’s day at a fancy spa. Anne said everyone at her house was sick with the flu, so they took a pass.
I was grateful that no one asked me how I celebrated the day because no one called, texted, or sent me a Valentine. I couldn’t send any Valentines this year because I have an executive position in my company, and it’s our busiest time of the year. s
My “friend” from work recently called about the executive retreat, and my cousin texted about bringing a salad for a family potluck dinner. Both of them work part-time and have low-level jobs. Neither apologized for not remembering me on Valentine’s Day. I haven’t responded to either message and don’t intend to do so for quite some time. Let them see how it feels to be ignored.
Lisbeth
Dear Lisbeth,
Let me get this straight. You are mad at your friend and cousin because they didn’t send you a valentine, and you are punishing them by not responding to their messages. You explain that they can’t use work as an excuse because they both have part-time and low-level positions that don’t demand much of their time or energy. At the same time, you have an excuse because you have a demanding executive position requiring much of your time and energy.
Has it occurred to you that the reason they didn’t send you a valentine is not work-related and has to do with how they define their relationship with you: one as a colleague and the other as a relative and not a friend and a close relative?
If that is the case, there would be no reason for them to send you a loving and endearing message or to apologize for being remiss. If Valentine’s Day is so important to you, send cards out early next year, which will give the recipients, if they so desire, time to send you one back.
Best, Frankie
© 2023 Geneva Woodruff
Comments and letters can be sent to Frankie at dearfrankiecolumn@gmail.com.
