Divorce is one of the biggest upheavals a family can face. Divorce can be challenging for adults, but children may not fully understand everything that is going on. According to the law firm Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. A report from the national independent Vanier Institute of the Family indicated that the divorce rate actually dropped to 5.6 per 1,000 married people in 2020 in Canada, the lowest number since 1973. But at the same time, this data does not reflect couples who live together and are not married but splitting up.
With mindful steps, parents getting divorced can reduce the emotional toll on their kids and help them adapt and thrive when they learn their parents are divorcing. Here are some ways to help kids process and adapt to divorce and separation.
· Keep information age-appropriate. Use language that children can understand at their age. Explain what will change, but more importantly, what will stay the same. Kids will want to know that their routines and school situations will largely be the same.
· Take a united front. Even if parents cannot get along, they should present a united message to their children and not ask the kids to take sides. The Gottman Institute notes that research shows children’s adjustment is much better when parents minimize conflict and cooperate on parenting decisions. Exposure to ongoing parental hostility is a larger factor than the divorce itself in regard to adjustment problems kids may have.
· Reassure children about the divorce. It can seem to kids that the breakup of the relationship may be related to something they did. It’s vital for parents to stress that the divorce is about the adults’ relationship only, and not something that the children did. Validate feelings of sadness, anger or relief without trying to provide a fix to help kids process the divorce news more readily, says the Child Mind Institute. It’s important to calm fears and guilt that the divorce is something related to the kids’ behavior.
· Listen and seek help, when necessary. Children’s reactions can vary based on time and age. Some demonstrate immediate distress, while others may exhibit problems later on at school or with behavior. Certain changes may require support groups or family therapy to work through.
· Model good behavior. Parents who model coping, managing stress and making good decisions can help children know how to behave in their own right.
Divorce can affect families in many ways. Parents can take practical steps to help children navigate the divorce process. TF261543.
