By Dorothy Meindok
The Post Newspaper Veterans Consultant
After my fiancé completed suicide, I naturally experienced traumatic reactions. Traumatic reactions manifest differently for everyone and encompasses factors such as the affected person’s past traumas, if any. In that, one other factor that makes a difference is quick, effective treatment to better contain the shock and allow the one traumatized to process what has happened through a full-blown grieving process that has no specified timeline, no understandable roadmap and undefined actions; in fact, it seems more like combat between grief reactions and healthy coping reactions. Sometimes, even in denial, you know you need help and that takes a bit of swallowing pride.
In my case, immediately after his passing, I did what the USN had taught me to do during and in the aftermath of trauma: work. It was also the only thing that I could functionally think to do to remain grounded. I was quickly ending up on dead end streets within my own conclusions and trying to decide one moment from the next whether I should follow in his footsteps. After all, we had been in some serious combat within his legal rights as a veteran, as it was a real mess on top of his being terminally ill from military exposures. Michael was a USN SWCC Team member, on small boats like that of President John F. Kennedy when he served our United States Navy.
The truth was that my trust was severely breached and as a veteran, I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone, but at that time especially, no one within veteran’s health in that small area. There were no other options because when a veteran goes to a private facility, the first call for payment purposes is to the VA and then subsequent transfer to the nearest VA facility, which in my case meant the very place I needed to avoid. It was essentially a medical Catch-22. I went on for weeks trying to use coping techniques I had learned in years of compliance via mental health therapies after Operation Desert Storm. I was failing and falling fast into a downward spiral with ever- increasing fury.
I scared some of the veteran brothers and sisters closest to me. That’s when I relented and checked into the very VA hospital I had been working against in many legal capacities for many veterans. There had been another previous death, not by suicide, that is attributed to some of the same actors. It was all very overwhelming, and I found myself in a hospital environment needing to speak on what ailed me to heal, but among a cross-section of people that I either knew better than to trust mixed with angels serving veterans that really wanted to help me. It was a tough position for everyone. It created conflicts of interest in too many ways; if I spoke about what was happening to my clients because of actors in that very hospital, was I breaking privilege and damaging my clients? If I didn’t speak on it, was I allowed to heal so I could return quicker and help them? Would my contributions to group therapy sessions scare or trigger any other veterans there seeking care and possibly getting better? Would my healing be helping bad actors with details to further cover up their actions? It was nonstop in my head on top of the trauma I just witnessed as well as the myriad of old traumas waking up that I thought had been put to rest. I was paralyzed. I didn’t see a way out. So, I relied on the law and put law into action.
I asked for a third party reviewer and as it was my choice of who, I decided to choose someone both I and VA could possibly trust. I chose a medical executive and licensed physician that worked with VA directly and worked with the civilian community directly, named Dr. Black from the University of Iowa Medical School and Hospital. After our conversations, he not only understood my professional dilemma, he helped me. That led to my return to Texas where another great university stepped in to help me. I ended up at University of Texas, Health Science Center San Antonio. The program is called StrongStar. It’s an outpatient treatment program that saved my life and is funded through the Bob Woodruff Foundation serving Texas veterans and first-responders. I am a Texas veteran but hadn’t lived here in a decade and wasn’t sure I’d qualify, but God had my back again because I did qualify due to humanitarian actions. Those actions are just natural responses among those dedicated to service. I had, during Hurricane Harvey, asked my Rotary Club, Kewanee’s Rotary, to fund water and other needs for the people of Houston and Galveston and they did. I loaded up a U-Haul and off to delivery in Texas, I went. That one community action meant to help others turned out to help me years later! It is a small world, indeed and one worth saving.
During that pivotal time period, the two years prior to the suicide, I also found myself facing the battle of food insecurity and sporadic homelessness as the situation grew itself out of control and viable options. It was hard to admit and harder to allow others to see me insecure in anything because they relied on me to help solve things. I visited Davenport’s Veterans Food Pantry in my times of need. It made a great impact upon me and is why I so fully support Galveston County Food Bank’s collaboration with Combined Arms & SERVE’s organizations in their Veterans Food Drive. A little love goes a long way and keeps on giving. According to HUD estimates, 7% of Texas homeless persons are veterans with obvious food insecurities. One can imagine how that number grows unaccounted for as veterans battle warrior pride, sleeping in cars and living “in the field”. We’re trained for it and trained to survive, so the dichotomy of asking for help is at play. Trained as protectors, it isn’t always clear what to do when we need help.
I decided to revisit the food drive in this article today because this past Tuesday, while we all gathered for instruction and prayer before the first car was served, it was announced that the new food program was awarded a grant to further things along by none other than The Bob Woodruff Foundation! It made me excuse myself and cry happy tears, like the beautiful lady that received wholesome fresh foods along with a decadent, dark chocolate dipped strawberry cake, donated by Member’s Mark; she cried happy tears, too, because she didn’t have a birthday cake for one of her children but this one would work just fine. She put it in the front seat to keep it secure from damage and a car filled with nutritious, wholesome foods to feed herself and her family.
The whole drive is filled with community volunteers and takes place the second Tuesday every month in front of the Coffee Connection, an active participant in the drive and next door to the TX City VA Outpatient Clinic. Property owner, Mr. Jerome Karam supports the effort as well, as he is donating space at the end of this month in support of veterans, military and community helping Vietnam Veterans of America #685 and Operation Honor Our Local Veterans in bringing the American Veteran Traveling Tribute Wall to Galveston County on June 29 to July 3, 2022. The wall is a replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC but this includes honoring the fallen warriors of all wars back to 1914, all the way up to today. It needs to be manned 24/7 and there is a call for volunteers.
Please contact Operation Honor Our Local Veterans to sign up at info@HonorLocalVets.com, if you can help out. We look forward to seeing you all there! On Wednesday, I’ll share details of the honorary motorcade that will accompany the wall to her place of setting up for memorial and visitation on the 28th.
Thank you ALL for your support and caring of our nation’s veterans.
Picture captions:
1 – This is Sam, he works everyday tirelessly delivering truckloads of food to battle food insecurity (in addition to his other job) and always does so with a smile.
2 – The American Veterans Traveling Tribute Wall is coming to Galveston County, Mainland Center 29June-03July, 2022.
Dorothy Meindok is the Veterans Consultant for The Post Newspaper. She served in the United States Navy and is currently a lawyer advocating for the rights of our nation’s veterans.
