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I JUST WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH

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So. I spent the entire morning on September 12th
fuming. And why was I fuming? Because I was unable
to take my exam—the one I have to pass to get
into the next Master’s Program I want to get into—
because my testing site was closed due to flood
damage. And I was angry and annoyed for several
reasons. One—I was all prepared for the test and I
was ready to have it behind me. I was tired of stressing
over it and I thought that, by today (September
13th) I would be happy because it would be over. Well
that didn’t happen. Two—I’m doing an internship and
taking three classes. Thankfully, the classes haven’t
really picked up yet but starting next week they do.
On September 23rd I have a paper due and I was
all prepared to finish the test on the 12th, pass it and
then forget about it and start working on my assignments
(because from the 23rd they are back to back
until December.) Well now I’ll have to balance my time
between doing my assignments and preparing for the
test. But, Trishna, shouldn’t you already be prepared
for the test if it was on the 12th? Yes. And I am. But
you and I both know that I’ll have to go over the information
again when it gets closer to my new test
date—which I’m hoping is in September. I mean you
can only hold 30,000 history facts and dates in your
head for a short period. And the last reason I was
fuming was more-so due to stress. I have to pass this
test by a certain date in order to get into the program,
and I wanted to take it as soon as possible, so I’m not
pressed for time. So that’s why I spent the morning
half of September 12th in a mood.
But towards the afternoon, I started to calm down
and see things in a different light. Now I think I’ve said
this in other tidbits, I can’t remember, but I am a huge
believer in fate and destiny. I believe that God works
in mysterious ways and that everything He does is
what is best for us, even if we don’t see it at that moment.
I pray a lot. I have a specific time in my day that
I pray and then, depending on what’s going on in my
life at that time, I’ll do this thing where I’ll just be going
about my day and something will come over me and
I’ll just start praying about something. So for the past
couple of weeks (before my original test date) I was
praying that everything would go well with the test, I’d
be able to take it without any hassle and I would pass
it on the first time (so I wouldn’t have to waste time retaking
it) and get into my desired program. So when I
woke up and found out that I wouldn’t be able to test,
yes I was annoyed/angry at first, but when I calmed
down I had another thought. And that thought was,
God is listening to my prayers and maybe the reason
I wasn’t able to test today is because I wasn’t going
to pass today. I asked/prayed that I would pass on the
first go, and maybe I have to take the test on a specific
day to pass it on the first go. I thought that maybe
the reason I can’t test today is because He knows
that I’ll be distracted due to the recent loss of a family
member (we literally lost someone the day before my
test was originally scheduled) or due to recent unnecessary
stress. And also there is the fact that maybe
the exam itself was going to be too difficult and so He
made it to where I wasn’t going to be able to test at all,
and when I do finally get to take the test, it’ll all work
out fine and I’ll pass on the first go.
And this leads me to talk about the fact that we all
have to deal with things in life that we don’t like. And
what I don’t like is uncertainty, change and unpredictably.
I am the type of person who prefers making
a schedule or plan of action and then sticking to it.
For example, if I am making a study schedule, I like
to be like—okay I’ll study Math from
10:30am to 11:30am and then Science
from 11:30am to 12:30pm. And
then I like to stick to that schedule.
Of course, I’m not unreasonable. For
instance, if I see that I have less Science
work and more Math work, then
I can study Science from 10:30am to
11:00am and then Math from 11:00am
to 12:30pm without an issue. So that
type of unpredictability and change I
can deal with. But the type of change
I don’t enjoy is, I don’t know, an important
exam being cancelled due to
something out of my control and ruining
my schedules and plans for the
next few weeks…. okay, calm down
Trishna, you will be able to register for
the test without any hassle, you will be able to take it
before September ends and you will pass it on your
first time. All this will happen. Okay, I’m calm now.
But that’s just the thing with life. It’s uncertain and
there are things that will happen that are out of your
control and you just have to deal with it. And I know
that this sounds hypocritical coming from me, but it’s
also something I’m working on. Because life happens
and we just have to accept that, and work to make the
most of every situation.
And then there’s the fact that, when it comes to me
personally, everything that I have been stressed or
worried about—be it getting into college, getting a job,
getting into a Master’s Program or anything else—has
worked out in a way that’s best for me. And so, when it
comes to anything else that goes away from my plan
(like in the case of this test and not being able to take
it when I had originally planned) then I have to have
faith that God has made it happen in a way that will
be best for me.
So I will be able to register for the test ASAP, without
any hassle. I will be able to take the test before
September is over and I will pass it on the first time. I
will get into the program, I will be successful and I will
have a great career.
The end.

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