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GRINCH-INSPIRED GIFT IDEAS

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Are you inundated with catalogs? Of course you are –
it’s the season. But some of the catalogs we receive at
this time of year don’t seem to have gotten the message
that gifts are intended to make the recipient happy.
Recently I was glancing through some of these mail
outs, looking for a few last minute ideas.
I’m going to start by telling you about the worse one
of all. It’s a much too realistic daddy long legs spider,
made out of rusted metal, described as “not your everyday
garden decor.”
Seriously? If I see something like that out in my garden,
you’ll hear my screams all over the mainland.
These hideous insects come in two sizes: small (7” by
2” by 5″) and large (17” x 4 1/2” x 10”). The day someone
gives me a large eight-legged spider as a gift will be
the end of that friendship. It will also be the end of that
garden decor spider. Trust me on that.
The funny part was seeing an ad on the same page
for a t-shirt that said: “I Thought I Saw A SPIDER But It
Was Just A Piece Of Yarn. It’s DEAD Yarn Now.”
This confirms my belief that the only good spider is a
dead spider.
The next gift idea isn’t repulsive but it is definitely as
pointless. It’s a “campfire fishing pole.”
Designed to hold four marshmallows, two hot dogs
or some combination of both, “it flips your food to roast
evenly.” That must be such a thrill.
Whatever happened to using a stick you found nearby?
And how do you keep the melted marshmallow goo
off the hot dog?
Moving along quickly to the next catalog, here’s something
for that person who has everything: Big Hairy Feet
Slippers. Bet they don’t have that, for good reason.
Picture big ugly feet that feature “lots of wispy hair.”
Best of all, they’re “imported.” God only knows from
where.
Almost as ugly as these hairy feet slippers is the
“Grizzly Bear Hat/Scarf.” Advertised as a “fun, faux-fur
hat,” this truly tacky item features “ears” and “30” long
paws to use as scarf, pockets or mittens.”
In reality, it makes you look like a werewolf having a
bad fashion day. Definitely not a good look even for a
werewolf.
I’m going to skip trying to describe the truly awful
knee high socks that are supposed to make your legs
look like a mermaid’s tail.
You’ll just have to take my word for it that they make
you look more like the creature from the Black Lagoon
than a mermaid.
Finally, should you be unfortunate enough to receive
any of these items as a holiday gift, remember to smile
sweetly and remember you’ll have a whole year to get
even by finding an even worse present.
Always remember that it’s more blessed to give than to receive, especially when it comes to gifts like these.

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