THE YOUNGEST VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Danni is the Victim’s Support Services Program Director, providing counseling and support to victims of domestic violence and crime. I m a g i n e growing up in a family where you are always on guard. From the outside it looked like a normal family…. but inside the four walls of your home, it was a living nightmare. You learn to keep quiet and hide when your parents argue, finding refuge in your closet. Instead of happy family dinners, your Dad threw dinner against the wall because he didn’t like the way your mom put food on the plate. There was always yelling, always something that “Mom didn’t do right.” Your Mom often had fresh bruises, despite her best attempts to hide them with makeup. She cried a lot, telling you it was her fault, “Dad didn’t mean to,” and “we’ll do better next time.” Even when things got better, it never lasted long. Your Mom was not allowed to work and Dad controlled the money. He inspected receipts and counted change to make sure she wasn’t saving money. Once, your mom packed bags to go far away where things would be better. You got excited, feeling hope for the first time that things might not be this way forever. Your Dad found the bags. That night was the worst. It was hard to fall asleep with your Dad yelling, hearing the blows he rained on your Mom. After hearing your Mom cry and scream, apologizing, trying to convince him she wasn’t planning to leave, you promised yourself you would never be in an abusive relationship. In your teen years, you resented your parents. Dad was violent and abusive, while Mom wouldn’t stop the abuse. Why doesn’t she stand up for herself or leave? You poured yourself into school, stayed away from home as much as possible, and left home as soon as you graduated. You promised yourself you wouldn’t let anyone hit, control, or intimidate you. As an adult, you find yourself in a string of toxic relationships. Partners hurl insults and humiliate you like your Dad did your Mom. Your partners sabotage your friendships, making you feel guilty and hopeless for spending time with friends. You become more and more isolated. You commit to changes but lack confidence and always second guess yourself. While you work, your money is never yours. Your partners take it, leaving little to pay bills or spend on yourself. When partners are physically abusive, you leave. Even so, there are more similarities than differences in your relationships. Your life is the furthest from where you expected. If you’re wondering why people repeat their parents’ unhealthy relationships…. The answer is we do what we know. It’s called “an intergenerational pattern of family violence.” Children of domestic violence are 3 times more likely to repeat the cycle in adulthood. Growing up with domestic violence is the most significant predictor of whether someone will be in a domestic violence situation later in life. Domestic violence is disturbingly common: 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced domestic violence. This equates to 20 victims per minute and more than 10 million abuse victims each year. (NCADV Fact Sheet, https://www.speakcdn.com/assets/ 2497/domestic_violence2.pdf) At FSC, we help people break the cycle of abuse and live their best lives. We provide support, help individuals build relationships, and create opportunities for change! FSC promotes mental health and wellbeing for ALL people. For more information, please contact us at 409- 762-8636 or www.fscgal.org.