BULLYING OR IS IT ” TOUGH LOVE ” ?

Is the Drill Sargent’s verbal abuse in boot camp bullying? Is
the football coach’s hollering bullying? Do you know a Veteran
or football player that ever complained about being bullied?
Why not? Ever hear the phrase “tough love”? What’s
that? When I was a little boy “tough love” was when my dad
used his belt on my butt till I cried. How about bullying? I
know about that too. In high school I was half the size I am today,
not exactly a football specimen. And being poor I had to
work every day after school so I couldn’t play football. So here
I am a 110 pound weakling and Nederland was a football town
so if you didn’t’ play football you were a bully target. Back
then bullying was the norm and even encouraged to make the
strong stronger. I didn’t play high school football but I did go thru Marine Corps boot camp and I had a tough dad
and a tough mom so I too know about “tough love”. Also my wife and I raised four kids (mostly just like me) so we
too know about “tough love”; had to give it out daily.
So what is the difference and how do I know one from the other? It’s really very simple. It is about respect and
care; in “tough love” one respects and cares about the recipient and what the potential outcome may be. On the
other hand the bully has no respect or concern for the recipient and doesn’t care about the potential outcome. So
we all know about bullying and why we should not do it or allow it. But what about “tough love”; why do it? Sooner
or later offspring must leave the nest. If not voluntarily the parents will at least try to forcible kick them out. “Out”
meaning; do it yourself, interface with total strangers, buy your own car from a used car salesman, find a job, find
a mate, defend yourself when attacked, drink responsibly and the list goes on. Most of us need help in this regard.
Without “tough love” (someone pushes and tests you to your limit) most of us would not be capable of adequate
independent living. We would not be ready for the real tough world.
So who should do this “tough love” stuff; parents, teachers older siblings and mentors? Yes to all. This used to be
the norm and we were not afraid of lawyers, hyper sensitive groups and hadn’t even heard of “politically correct”.
It was just simply to help the kid grow up. If, as a teacher or mentor you do not do this, you are wasting an opportunity
to make a better person. As a teacher, if you are satisfied with checking the roll, grading tests and passing
out report cards, you’re not doing your job. Teaching, mentoring and tough love are about personal relationships
with each student. You must get close enough to the student to know the problems or deficiencies of the student
before you can help. When you don’t do this your student will leave your classroom at the end of the year the same
as they entered except for a few rules on English and math. They will be expecting another boring school year and
ready for:
1) Constant games and friend connections on their cell phone; what else do they know?
2) Mentoring from bad guys.
3) Gang membership where someone actually cares about them.
If you can get just one kid looking forward to the next school year and thinking about being like you or better than
you, you did good. It’s a tough job today with the requirements that you be “politically correct”, can’t touch the child
(even if they are crying) and dealing with the fear of some over sensitive group or individual second guessing what
you do. Be brave, do it anyway. If you can’t do your teaching job in a way that makes you proud; find another job.
Stop wasting opportunities to make a difference in a kid’s life.
So don’t be afraid of helping a kid grow up to be strong and ready for the real world. As long as you truly care for
the kid, respect the kid and act lawfully it is not child abuse or bullying. Do it for their own good so they can go to
work or college at 18 instead of lying around the house collecting welfare till 30.
Sound like I’m a little passionate about this; it’s because I am; been doing it as a volunteer in schools for 28 years
and still not afraid to do the right thing. BTW if you are not volunteering in a school why not, you’re needed.