As we approach the holiday season, it is natural to reflect on the past year – where we have been, what we accomplished and where we are going. Meghan Fitzgerald. Founder of Tinkergarten, an early learning program, wrote about grit and the importance of helping our children develop grit as a trait to help them thrive as they grow and face the many challenges life offers.
As our country continues to struggle with our political, economic and moral compass, this seems apropos to consider what part grit plays in our own lives and those of our children and perhaps even our employees, friends and families.
“Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day-in, day-out. Not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years. And working really hard to make that future a reality.” —Angela Duckworth
Grit may not be sufficient for success, but it sure is necessary. If we want our children to have a shot at a productive and satisfying life, we adults should make it our concern to provide them with the two things all children deserve: challenges to exceed what they were able to do yesterday and the support that makes that growth possible.
Grit is more than just “stick-to-it-iveness,” although that is part of it. It’s about passion, genuine interests, and motivation that comes from within. Grit also involves learning, seeing setbacks as opportunities, and responding to whatever challenges you face in pursuit of something you love. It’s what people need to reach for their dreams.
Kids start building a foundation for this characteristic at birth. Infants, toddlers, and preschoolers have no shame and very little fear of failure. Without persistence and true tolerance for setbacks, they would never walk, talk, climb, run, or even learn to nurture close relationships. Small humans are designed to try, fail, revise, repeat—all in order to learn. It’s often an adult’s reaction to their setbacks that leads a child to associate failure with loss or lasting disappointment. So, the early years are a perfect time to hold back our reactions, let them push themselves, and promote grit in our kids.
How can we promote grit? Here are a handful of promising practices:
Ask yourself, how gritty am I? Test yourself on Angela Duckworth’s grit scale on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ThePostNewsp/. Taking time to think about the role that grit has played in your life can also help you support early grit development in your kids.
Let kids drive their own play: If kids can have lots of space and time to take play in any direction, they’ll be much more likely to identify and hone their interests—and interests are seeds that sprout true passions.
Pretend with kids: What does pretending have to do with grit? When kids pretend, they develop the ability to bend the rules, imagine new worlds and substitute one idea for another. Part of working your way around obstacles in life is thinking and acting flexibly. So, pretending can actually help kids prepare .
Trust your kids to tell you what’s too challenging: Young children are rather good at knowing when too much is too much. And, a little frustration is good practice for life. So, let them give challenge a good try. For example, if your child decides to try to drag a log four times her size, let her go for it. Through persisting a bit, she’ll learn a thing or two about physics as well as her own limits. If you encourage her not to try, she’ll only learn that you don’t believe she can do it. If she gets stuck or appears sad when thwarted, you can always suggest she try again when she is taller or stronger, or you can offer to team up and see what happens together.
Be mindful of the limitations of grit and how grit is impacted by privilege. The concept that, “if we work hard, we will have success” is a narrative that does not apply equally to all kids. All kids need to develop both genuine interests and the ability to persevere in the face of obstacles in pursuit of their goals, but we have to be careful not to assume that grit alone levels an uneven playing field.
Notice and honor effort—Think about how you praise and look for every opportunity to value effort over achievement (and definitely avoid praising talent or “smarts”). When you see a child put real effort into something, especially if they struggle and persist, describe the child’s actions to them and stress the learning.
Practice grit and let your kids peek in: One of the most powerful ways to nurture grit in our children is to model it ourselves. Identify a passion or genuine interest of your own and share it with your children. Maybe it’s baking bread, tending to plants, playing an instrument or running. Teach grit every time you hit a challenge by talking what you’ve learned and what you think you’ll try instead next time.
Parenting may just be the best lesson in grit!
If you feel like passions took a back seat since you had kids, you are not alone! Maybe grit is a great reason for us to dust off an old passion and start showing our kids how great getting ever better at something we love can be.
Or, maybe, for now, we shouldn’t forget to see parenting as a passion—something that we love unlike any other pursuit, to which we are utterly committed and at which we can always get better. Setbacks aside, we can stay curious, keep learning and persist!
It is not the strongest of the species, nor the most intelligent who survive, but the one most responsive to change.
— Charles Darwin
To learn more about Tinkergarten, simply go to tinkergarten.com
